Bird & Blend Tea : Advent Calendar Revew

I don’t think it’s a secret that I whole heartedly love the Bird & Blend brand. 

I love their flavours. I love their commitment to making reusable or recyclable packaging. I love how they market for everyone from the newbie to the experienced tea lover. 

What I don’t love is how they are located on another continent. 

Last fall I began seeing their marketing on Instagram and Facebook about their Halloween countdown but then they starting promoting their Christmas advent boxes and I KNEW I had to order. I got both the Halloween countdown and their special Tea Lovers Advent. 

The shipping was very fast through DHL. The original price of the Christmas advent was $49 USD plus conversion to CAD plus duty and import fees. 😵‍💫 Yikes, I started thinking maybe I shouldn’t have done that. But I did, and there was no turning back and as soon as I’d received them I knew I treated myself well. 

The Halloween countdown was GLORIOUS and if you’d like a review of that on its own let me know. 

What I always feel is important that with a lot of European brands they curate in smaller amounts than what we’ve come to expect in North America.  For instance, one B&B tea bag makes 6-8 ounces of tea so if you use a large mug which is often the case in my house you need at least two tea bags for one cup and then you have to prepare yourself that it still may not be as strong as you are accustomed. There were 2 teabags behind every door of the 24 day Christmas advent calendar. Sometimes I used both and sometimes I only used one, depending on the cup I was using. So…the cup makes all the difference!

It’s a dream to visit the UK so it was very special that the Tea Lovers version of their calendar included blends that are curated especially for their different Bird & Blend locations and what their best sellers are. At first it seemed weird to have a tea from the seaside in something Christmas themed but I soon appreciated it because these boxes are so carefully curated with everything in mind so the holiday flavours soon followed. My favourite may have been the Christmas Cake or Mince Pie flavours.  I don’t know how they do that but they taste EXACTLY like the real thing. 

There was a terrific balance between caffeine and decaf tea blends. That made it easy to decide when or how I was going to drink each day. There were instructions on the box for making regular tea or lattes or whatever they recommended. Each tea tag had clear details of whether it had caffeine and if you should use milk or not and even if it should be enjoyed hot or cold! 

Bird and Blend just does it right. They had a digital advent option for each calendar which took you to a special page which had details on each tea, the ingredients and tips on how it’s best enjoyed. They also had a downloadable tea tasting journal! I admit that I tried to keep up with it but I just lost track…

Would I buy this again? OHMYGOD YES! Sadly, due to the cost of shipping it’s not likely it’s going to be soon though. I’m glad I purchased it and fully enjoyed it. Yes I’d recommend it to everyone but beware there could be extra fees depending on where you live…

…but maybe you live right there and can enjoy Bird & Blend whenever your heart desires. 

Lucky you!

I hugged it…I seriously did!

Peppermint Hot Cocoa Bites Recipe

Are you like me and the Christmas treats and snacks are down to the last couple in the cookie jar? Maybe you’ve decided to do away with them because you’ve got to fit in to “real” pants to go to work tomorrow. 

You probably wouldn’t be impressed if I said Valentine’s Day will be here before you know it (it was * just * December the other day after all). This is a recipe I originally found on King Arthur’s Baking LINK but have changed and adapted it for my own liking. 

For Christmas I found peppermint candy cane topped chocolate wafers at Bulk Barn.  They were easily cut in half to fit on the tops of these small one bite cookies.  For a winter treat, a mini marshmallow would work in the middle as would a cinnamon heart for Valentines Day or a Hershey’s kiss, but not the full size, I’d choose the baking ones instead. Or just leave the topping off all together. 

I used Tim Horton’s products and even these could be played around with. After I’d made these they released their Candy Cane Hot Chocolate for the season. Starbucks had a Hot Chocolate mix out as well but I find their products pricier.  So you see, you can almost do as you like. 

The decaf coffee lends an interesting note but isn’t prominent. I used decaf because who wants to have their sleep interrupted because of too much caffeine? Maybe only Santa!

I really enjoyed these cookies with evening tea and now that the dull January days have started you just might enjoy them too. 

 

You Can Change Any Time You Want

There’s a lot of pressure at this time of year to make sweeping and drastic changes to your life because of the ringing in of the new year. 

I’m here to tell you that not only do you not need to do that but also that you can change any time you want to. Just because a New Year is approaching doesn't mean you have to have everything suddenly figured out or accomplish everything on your to-do list for 2023.  

You don’t need to do it January 1st 2024 either. You can do it today. You can do it Jan 15 or July 15 for that matter. 

Here's something else that might blow your mind.  If you do decide to start, you can re-start too.

And you can do that as many times as you want or need.

You can make and re-make the to-do list.  We change and our priorities change and it can all happen in a split second.

In a blog post I wrote last year, called Diet is NOT a Christmas Word, I talked about letting go of diet hang ups and enjoying all the season has to offer, within reason of course.  I'm not going to preach about healthy eating habits or joining gyms instead I think these words sum it up well.  "It's all right letting yourself go as long as you can let yourself back."  Mick Jagger said that.  I have no idea what it's in reference to but I'm fine not knowing because it serves me well just thinking about it.  I even have it as a quote in the sidebar of this blog page.

You have to give yourself permission to let yourself back.

We've all indulged over the holiday.  Sugar cookies, fudge, extra handfuls of M&M's while baking etc etc.....  I made the personal choice to just not worry over the holidays.  Do I want to be the miserable one wishing I could have the Nanaimo bar?  No.  However, just like I made that decision to not worry, I've also given myself the timeline to stop too.  Because in the same way that I don't want to be unhappy by having to decline Christmas goodies, I also don't want the feeling of how snug my pants feel.  The day I'm stopping?  That's the day my Christmas vacation is over and I go back to work.

We know that memories and food are tied together.  I remember one Christmas Eve we had a large family meal at my In-Laws and then went to the Christmas Eve church service.  We were so full!  We had to stand and sing and I recall looking over to my Father in Law because he too was struggling to sing and breath just like I was!  We decided to not do that again - the service not the food. Ha!

I also recall another Christmas where I had gotten pants as a gift and they didn't fit.  I went to the store in January and the size bigger didn't fit either.  Nor did the size bigger than that.  I felt so awful.  I was also unaware of how retailers are sneaky with their sizing.  Since then and working a stint in women's clothing retail I've realized the letters and numbers on the tag don't really mean a lot from store to store or within the same building!

Another friend, no not Mick Jagger, but Denny said to me many times ago, but I paraphrase... Christmas is 1 day out of 365 and not 365 itself.

Trying is the important part.  Will it be easy to have one snack instead of two?  Stop having the cream in my coffee or tea? Making sure I eat a fruit and a vegetable everyday?  You better believe I'm going to try though and try and try again.

In the autumn of 2020 I made the choice to try and be healthier.  T R Y.  I've made a lot of lifestyle changes since then which I'm very pleased with.  Times change and our bodies change and I am deciding to once again make health a priority.  I know that I have to exercise for my mental health as well as bodily health.  I know I need to keep track of my sugar, fat and fibre intake.  These are the things that have gotten me to 2023.

You can bet that I will restart many times.  It's fine if you do too. Starting or re-starting doesn't mean you've failed.  It means that you care enough to keep going.  Remember, failure is how the diet industry wants to make you feel and it's how they make money.  Words like "on track" or

"cheating" are words that fit into that category too.  Don't let them have power over your feelings.  Give yourself the power instead.

Fuel your body and mind. Nourish your soul. Make memories.  

Here's to all of us in 2024 and the changes we want to make or don't want to make.  We are all pretty amazing the way we are but I know, for my own self, that I can be an even better version and that's what I want to strive to be.

1980 - Something

Picture it.

The Christmas mixed tape is playing on the home stereo with the same songs I enjoy to this day; Jim Reeves, Buck Owens and The Chipmunks. Dad is bringing all the decoration boxes from the basement. In the box there’d be some miscellaneous newspapers from Christmases past which always mystified me. We assemble the Christmas tree and Dad strings the full size string of lights carefully on each branch.  The sky is a rose gold in the setting sun, the snow outside is light and sparkly and there’s the faint smell of the heat from the lights touching the plastic branches.  They don’t make candles to recreate that festive smell do they.

It’s nineteen-eighty-something and completely magical.

There were some Christmases that we had two Christmas trees.  We had the artificial one in the basement and a real tree upstairs.  Dad’s brilliant trick to filling in the bare spots on the real tree was to take a branch from the bottom, drill a hole where the bare spot was and attach the branch.  It’s a trick I think he got from my Grandpa.

The decorations were a mixture of shiny baubles, felt ornaments and things we made. One decoration was always a small bell with a blue ribbon that I think had something to do with my brother (his birthday is Christmas Day) but I don’t know what.  There was silver garland and not tinsel because that was too messy.  The tree topper was a multi coloured star.  At the bottom of the tree rested a small plastic manger scene.

Some years Dad would want to hang streamers and foil stars from the ceiling. Mom would protest…”what are you doing that for?”…but often let him get his way.  There’d be a wreath that hung on the back door window that made the curtain puff out kind of funny.

My fuzzy Christmas stocking would rest on the arm of the couch. We didn’t have a fireplace or chimney. I hoped Santa had a key.  

It was probably a Sunday evening in December and when we were done we’d sit in the dark with just the retro glow of the Christmas tree and soft music playing. The next morning, getting ready to go to school, the tree would be lit up in its comforting glow in the coolness of winter. 

Everything would be ready and waiting for Mr Claus’ annual visit.

Advent Adventures 2023

Every company seems to have an Advent Christmas Countdown Calendar of some kind these days. I really enjoy finding out what little present lies behind each window leading up to the big day. So what calendars did I purchase for this years holidays? Read on!

The first calendar I purchased was from The Body Shop. I had gotten one last year and it helped me to relearn how to relax and take care of myself. As with everything the prices have gone up and this year I purchased the smaller version. It’s called The Advent of Change and comes in lovely blue packaging. The display isn’t as stunning as the larger version but the smaller rings in at $95 CAD. I purchased it back at the end of September and used my birthday rewards coupon for it. It says it’s a value of $181 so we will see when I get to start opening on December 1st. 

The second countdown calendar I got was from Bird and Blend. I TOTALLY splurged on this and for those reasons I’m not going to include all the extra fees I paid. As well I had ordered the Halloween countdown at the same time so charges were a bit more. I LOVED this one from a few years ago. The packaging is 100% recyclable and very festive. The main Tea Advent Calendar is priced at $49 USD. However, the one I purchased was specially curated for the tea lover and Bird and Blend customer. It’s called the Ultimate Tea Lover’s Advent Calendar and lucky comes in at the same price of $49 USD. They also have a Matcha calendar!

That was going to be it, but just this afternoon I found a coffee 12 Days of Christmas. I purchased the Grove Place Market keurig cup coffee countdown at Peavey Mart for $18.99 CAD. It does not appear on the Peavey Mart website but similar boxes seem to be available elsewhere. The cashier said they were also waiting on a hot chocolate one. 

Okay, but what about your husband? You can’t forget your husband! 

Right you are. I have found 2 calendars for him this year. The first is the Walkers Shortbread calendar which is a 24 day countdown. I originally ordered from Tea At The White House but they sold out twice. Since I’ve been informed it can be found at London Drugs and a few other retailers. I spent $40 but apparently they can range in price. 

The other countdown I got for my husband I stumbled upon. I bought it at Canadian Tire for $24.99 CAD.  It’s the National Lampoons 12 Days of Jelly Advent Calendar.  We had the Bonne Maman calendar last year and really enjoyed it. This quirky calendar has repeats, comes with a knife and I’d say the packaging is a real “beaut”. 

There you have it. My countdown extravaganza. 

Only 6 days to go!

10 Thought Tuesday ~ Lions & Lambs ~

Wow! It's been a long time hasn't it?  What can I say...life happened.

1.  What is the deal with shoes and clothes and good retail staff who not only know what they're talking about but are actually helpful? When I was a retail slave there was coaching and protocol on everything you do for a customer from the moment they walk into your store.  Now you are lucky to get a hello and incredibly fortunate to actually find someone willing to help you.  Womens fashion is hard enough to navigate in the best of times and then we have to deal with this nonsense.  This is why my two favorite stores have been and still are Reitman's and Penningtons.  They are the most consistent.

2.  I've lost 41.8 pounds since August.  When I tell people they ask what I'm doing.  The sincere answer is...I am eating food.  Shocking I know.  What I am doing is eating approximately 5 times a day...3 meals with 2 snacks and I am choosing more fruit and veggies.  I am also using portion control.  The biggest eye opener that I can expain is this...I can eat 2.5 Halo tangerines (at 44 calories each) or ONE chocolate cookie.  And we all know I wouldn't just eat one cookie.  But who eats nearly 3 oranges in a sitting?  No one.  So I discovered I get more bang for the buck so to speak with the fruit and veg...meaning I can actually eat more!  *kaboom*  And that's what I've been doing.

3.  In 1 month I will be headed back to the Big Apple.  This trip we are staying near Times Square and hope to be able to do more evening type things.  The only issue seems to be that the hotel may or may not have free wifi so the possibility of staying in touch while away is up in the air.  I have a new suitcase and new walking shoes and can't wait to try either one out.  Cannoli and pizza here I come!

4.  I have recently watched the entire Sex and the City series.  I had watched the first 3 seasons a year ago and lost the interest but a few weeks I picked it up again.  I have to say the final season was possibly the best one.  It had so many important storylines.  I also noticed that even though it was filmed late 90's to early 2000's much of the subject matter is still relevent.  So now that it's over I've moved on to finishing the Friends series.

5.  Chocolate covered raisins.  I am obsessed with chocolate covered raisins.  I need an intervention.

6.  My parents gave us a "breakfast station" for Christmas.  It's a waffle iron on one side and in the other you can make pancakes or omelettes.  I've used it every single day.  I use the pancake side to make eggs or grilled cheese sandwiches!  On Sunday mornings it has become our ritual to have waffles.  The ritual originated from it being "game day" and having Roughrider pancakes.  I have to admit...waffles are better.  They are pancakes with abs.

7.  It's March 3rd and it's been snowing.  They say March comes in like a lion or goes out like a lamb.  I am thinking this is true.  The long term forecast has great temperatures from here on in.  I'm thinking I might be able to disregard the winter jacket (which is now too big) and wear the black spring jacket (which is also roomy).  It is still very much boot weather and it seems won't be flip flop weather for some time.

8.  Informal pole:  When someone says "Canada's Team" ( and for argument sake "America's Team" ) what team do you think of?

9.  Every time music exams come around I say I am never going to register as many studnets as I did last year because it is amazingly nerve wrecking and stressful.  I keep doing it.  Gah!  I only had 3 for February and they did great because I make sure my students do well but there is always that small bit of doubt that they won't do well.  For June, I will have at least 4.  The exams will fall right around the same time as music festival does.  So it appears I have done it again.  *facepalm*

10.  My new favorite tuesday thing is a CBC show called Schitts Creek.  It stars Eugene Levy and the mom from Home Alone.  It's about an uber rich family who lose it all except the deed to this town Schitts Creek.  So they are forced to move there and try to have a life.  It's great.  It's tongue in cheek and fresh.  If you can, check it out because we all deserve a chuckle.

10 Thought Tuesday ~ Back to Work ~

I've neglected my blog.  *hangs head*  So today when I got the writing itch and am feeling a little down over having to head back to work after my two months of summer vacation, well, what better way to get back in the groove?! 

1.  Hubby says "It's time to go make some  money."  He's right.  I am priviliged to get this time off.  We are blessed to have a lifestyle which allows me to take the time off.  It's something I look forward to and time I cherish.

2.  I went to two football games. I came home with bruises both times.  The first game I smacked my thigh on the metal thing on the back of the bleachers.  I got a big honkin' bruise which took weeks to go away...about that time we went to another football game where I repeated the action.  Most people get bruised from playing the game and not merely watching it.

3.  I went to a three day "classic" rock concert....but only took in 2 days.  The even was called Rock the River and took place at the Bessborough Hotel overlooking the South Saskatchewan River.  I saw Doug & the Slugs, Harlequinn, Honeymoon Suite, Lee Aaron, Sweet & Dr. Hook.  It was fun.  We didn't do the third day because of rain.  My only issue really was the venue.  There were tons of abandoned lawn chairs leaving no place for people to set up their own.

4.  We went to a family reunion at my In Laws.  It was the first time in probably 10 years that everyone was together.  We had a pig roast and tons of visiting time. 

5.  I spent a week with my parents.  My Dad had cataract surgery and I went to help out.  He recovered famously and appreciated my help.  Mom and I did a little shopping and we did a little eating out.  It was great.

6.  I found a routine.  During the regular school year and with my altered evening hours I don't get to do much in the way of "wife".  I loved the routine of suppertime being at a normal time.  I enjoyed our evening treat of  yogurt and berries.  My favorite part of the day was between 4:30 and 5 when I was waiting for Hubby to come home from work.  It all felt so good and normal.

7.  I got my health back.  In early August, something "clicked" and I drastically changed my eating habits.  Two weeks later I began feeling really really good...better than I've felt in years.  My doctor was pleased with my changes.  I've kept on.  I bought a scale and I've lost 16 pounds!  I'm so shocked and happy!  The hypothyroid girl *can* lose weight!

8.  I've been watching Criminal Minds.  I watch a couple episodes every evening.  I'm on season 6 currently.  I don't know what happens to summer tv.  It's either reruns or reality shows.  Thank goodness for the interwebs.

9.  I bought new cleaning impliments.  That might not mean much to some and trust me, I hate housework as much as the next guy.  BUT what I had just wasn't working and who is ever going to clean anything when you hate your mop?  Now I can scoot around cleaning and it isn't an all day chore.

10.  I just feel content and rested.  People are going to ask me what I did on vacation and yes, I've got a few things to tell them, but really this is the most important thing to me because I feel sane again!  I know that I can take on anything.  Even though I feel like I'm going into fall kicking and screaming I really do feel that I'm in a very good place and I can successfully wear that teacher hat once again.

Hope your summer was fantabulous and that your back to school day was amazing!

Brandy ~ jacked

The Dad calls me Ayne Joe [Angel].

Mom got out of bed really early today.  I thought she was crazy.  Even though, she hugged and kissed and patted my head I stayed in bed where it was nice and warm.  Then curiosity got the better of me when I saw her getting ready for the day.

This only means two things.  I'm going to the spa or I'm going to the doctor.

I laid in the hallway shaking with anxiety over the possibilities!  

Mom was just about to leave when the guy who lives in the basement came and gave Mom a piece of paper.  They talked and laughed.

Then Mom got my leash off the shelf of the closet and I couldn't contain myself anymore.  I jumped and leaped all over the place while Mom struggled to get it tied on me.  I couldn't help myself.  *wags tail*

Then when we started off in the car I got all confused.  Mom wasn't driving towards the spa or the doctor.  Where was she taking me?  We drove down a road with lot's of tall buildings and people walking.  Then we went over a bridge and past a building Mom said was the University.  It seemed like maybe we were going on a trip....but I didn't remember any suitcases or food being packed.

To my surprise we did go to the doctor!!!!  And waiting inside was another dog just like me!  Well almost.  It was black and white and had a weird haircut.  The Assistant said their groomer was training for a competition and used their dog for practice.  I thought it looked like it would get very matted and with those long shaggy ears how would you eat or drink water without dragging them through everything?  I'm glad Mom doesn't do that to me.

I was soooo embarrassed!  With all the excitement I did something I never NEVER do.  

I made a squishy on the floor.

We sure had to wait a long time.  *pants*  Another dog came in and sat with us.  She was nice.  She was a big dog and had lot's of spunk.

It's a lot more fun when the waiting room has dogs instead of cats.

Finally Dr. Powell called us in.  He just back from vacation.  I said "RUFF!"  Which of course means....never go away again because all hell broke loose!  The Mom and Dr. Powell talked about all sorts of things and he looked in my ears and at my butt and at the skin on my back.  I didn't understand all of it but what I think Dr. Powell said was that all the pills The Mom sneaks to me in NutraGrain bars are good for me and doing things to make me healthy.

I wished the pills came in bacon flavour.

When we were done The Mom made me sit in the car by myself.  When she came out she had a bag of stuff in orange bottles and bag of something that smelled really yummy and had carrots on it.  I tried licking it but it only tasted like paper.

Before I new it, we were back home!

I ran in the house and drank some water.  Then The Mom got the bag with the carrots on it and opened it and gave me one.  COOKIES!!!!  COOKIES!!!!  

I may have drooled a little.

Afternoon nap time.

Resolve to Evolve in the New Year

I set my alarm on my iPod to scroll "New Year New You....Get Up & Get After It."  I don't make resolutions anymore.  They just aren't realistic.  Over that past few years I've tried to evolve instead.  My list of improvements have included anything from live a more active life to read more books.  These are things that enrich my life and don't make me dread the changes in my life.

Since I gained this enormous amount of weight from the hypothyroidism discovery and all the other issues that seemingly went along with it I've battled food.  I don't smoke and I rarely drink so food is my only vice.  Food is not something you can quit.  I've continually tried to make changes to evolve the way I think about food and the choices I make.  Last fall, I downloaded the app MyFitnessPal which is also a webpage MyFitnessPal.com.  After a short time of logging my meals I was enlightened to some of the choices I was making.  I stopped using coffee creamer.  Oh how I miss the flavoured creamy coffee but at the same time I cut my coffee consumption dramatically.  I probably drank less than most people to start with but now I only have 1 cup of coffee in the morning and it includes Splenda instead of creamer.  Instead of drinking 2 cups of coffee at work....with the cream and sugar, I switched to a travel mug of hot cocoa.  I switched the bread I buy and started to create better dinner choices.

Then I got sick before Christmas and it all went out the window while the boxes of Christmas chocolates floated through the door.

Oh well.

A long time ago, back in July, I talked to my doctor about seeing a dietitian.  The appointment was supposed to be in November, I think.  The appointment was postponed because the dietitian had to stay home with a sick child.  That was all fine and good because all the time I was questioning my choice to do this in the first place.  Then my appointment was made for January 2nd 2013.  There is no better time!  Out with the Christmas me and in with the new me.

This lady was awesome!  We went meal by meal with me describing a typical breakfast/lunch/dinner etc.  I described my teaching lifestyle.  I told her the things I was already doing and the changes I was trying.  She praised me!  Dietitian told me to take small steps when it comes to exercise.  She gave me an "Action Plan" which suspitiously looks like the "Practice Commitment" I gave my piano students.  Dietitian said to make a commitment to do exercise for X number of days in 1 week for X number of time and see how it goes.  Then the next week make a new commitment.  Oh how I loved that!  We discussed how going to the community centre for classes didn't work because of my teaching schedule and how I'd much rather do things at home.  She said even a commitment to turn on the stereo and dance for 15 minutes was better than anything.  I'm pretty sure I can take that advice!

I felt like I could to talk to Dietitian for hours!  We discussed the pros and cons of processed things and simple little things like fat content in mayo.  She said that most people consume more calories from condiments than actual food because we think we're only using a tablespoon of something when it's actually a tablespoon or more!  Dietitian liked many of the choices I'm already making.  She liked my hot cocoa choice at work and suggested a light brand.  We talked about lentils.  Yes.  Lentils.  I came home with a Pulses cook book.

Unfortunately, we ran out of time.  Dietitian said I am on the right track.  She said to keep tracking my food and making the small changes I have been.  She gave me her card and told me that I could contact her in the future if I needed any additional help or advice.

I wish she was my best friend.

I am feeling very encouraged.  In 2013, I hope to continually evolve to, as someone said to me, so my outsides match my insides.

Dream Intervention

I think two people came together in my dream last night to hold an intervention.  Dieting and weight loss was on my mind because I had received my letter to see a dietitian although I thought it was a nutritionist and it turned out to be a workshop and not a one on one consultation so.....I was upset by it.

In my dream, my school director [Boss really] who has recently lost about 35 pounds and my coworker, Andrea, who has never had to diet in her life I am sure, confronted me about my weight.  Well, actually they were making fun of me.  They'd never actually do that.  They are both good people.  I was really upset with them and stormed off to the bathroom where sitting on the counter was a bowl of cereal.  Go figure.  Oh and the whole thing happened at my parents house.

Dreams are weird.

Today I realized that the Andrea in my dream was only a namesake.  I know another Andrea.  A very creative, loving, pet mama who shares many of my same concerns.  THIS is the Andrea in my dream telling me to get in shape.  Stop being a lazy bones.  Get ready for New York!

Shortly after I got my iPod I downloaded the app, MyFitnessPal.  It is also a website.  I never used it.  I downloaded it because I had noticed my Bosses Mom had also lost a significant amount of weight.  She mentioned the app to me and it just happens to be the same one Andrea mentioned to me about a year ago.  Ugh.  What can I say?  I downloaded it and never opened it.  Funny thing.....it's not going to work until you actually use it.

Well, I finally opened it.  OHMYGOD it's cool.  It keeps track of everything.  You can scan store bought foot via bar code.  You can store your own recipes.  It keeps track of exercise and makes suggestions and yes, it even said, smilingriderfan needs inspiration she hasn't logged in for 3 weeks.

ACK!

I don't know yet if I'm going to attend the dietitian workshop.  It coincides with my work schedule.  I've got to figure that part out.  In the meantime, I'm going to log my food and get a good idea of what I'm eating and then next week I'll add some exercise.  

I've got to do something so people stop showing up in my dreams.

Java & The Human Bean

We usually buy Kirkland Brand coffee from Costco.  It always tastes good.  The last while I've gotten hooked on adding creamers for flavouring.  I know they are calorie rich and full of sugar and fat, but man, they make a cup of coffee taste good.  This morning I had the thought, "If I had my own coffee company I'd make coffee sweet already.....so no one has to add anything."  Why hasn't anyone thought of that?

My coffee shop would be called The Human Bean.  It would be created with real people in mind.....you know, the human kind who don't care about fancy names.  There wouldn't be any tall, grande or vente in my shop.  Nope, just good old small, medium, large and the give-me-all -the-coffee-you have jumbo size.

The cups would be real insulated cups too with non-spill lids.  There's be no need for fancy cuffs or double cupping.  Everyone would enjoy the lids because it wouldn't mess that white blouse you worked so hard ironing for the job interview only to stop and drip coffee down the front.  Ugh.  Right?!

I'd have blends like Wide Awake,  Intravenous,  The Morning After, I've Got Company, Heading to Bed [decaf of course], Working Late, First Date, Save Me from My Kids [which may or may not have a shot of Vodka added] and PMS.  Although PMS might just be hot chocolate with a coffee bean floating on top.

There would be cold drinks as well.  They'd have titles like Lordy I'm Hot, Chillaxin' and Sitting in the Shade.

This wouldn't be the type of coffee shop to sell frou-frou types of baking.  Good old fashioned cookies and squares is what I'd sell.  Nanaimo Bars, Matrimonial Squares, Rice Crispy Treats and real cookies that were made for dipping like Ginger Snaps.

Yup.  There'd be no messing around at the Human Bean.

The staff would be friendly and helpful.  We'd encourage you to sit and visit but if you'd rather sit and do homework.....you might just want to continue on your way.  It would be comfortable but not that comfortable.  We'd play real music on the sound system, but we wouldn't try to peddle you the latest cd.  We'd have it tuned in softly so you could carry on a decent conversation without yelling and straining your voice.

Alas, it is not meant to be.  When I googled the name, someone else has already taken it made it organic and fair trade.  Meh. I guess I'll settle for my International Chocolate Mint creamer after all.

A Venting Blog

I'm tired.

I'm tired of feeling sick.  I'm tired of being sick.  I'm tired of aches and pains and things I can't even describe.  I'm tired of not being able to talk to anyone about them.  I'm tired of keeping my feelings inside.  I'm tired of people wanting things and not working for them.  I'm tired of worrying about my health.  I'm tired of worrying about my dog.  I'm tired of not getting support.  I'm tired of feeling alone.  I'm tired of being over weight and even more tired about talking about it.  I'm tired of having to think about what I eat.  I'm tired of having to do all the cleaning.  I'm tired of having to do all the cleaning again and again.  I'm tired of socks on the floor.  I'm tired of asking to take the garbage out. I'm tired of spending evenings alone.  I'm tired of tomatoes.  I'm tired of people inviting themselves into my space.  I'm tired of people taking me for granted.  I'm tired of being the one to suck it up.  I'm tired of being the nice one.  I'm tired of not being special.  I'm tired of being responsible.  I'm tired of not being about to cut loose.  I'm tired of snoring.  I'm tired of not being able to give these things up.....of not letting go.  I'm tired of praying and not praying.  I'm tired of having to think of others before myself.  I'm tired of not being me.  I'm tired of not having time.  I'm tired of a routine that doesn't work.  I'm tired of trying to find a routine that does work.  

I'm just so plain freaking tired.

F O R T Y

It's only a number.

Forty is the new twenty.

You're only as old as you feel.

Except lately I've been feeling like I'm falling apart.  I have the hypothyroidism to deal with.  I swore I wasn't going to go into my forties weighing as much as I do, but thanks to this little diagnosis my wishes and efforts just didn't work out the way I wanted.  I tweaked something in my back a month ago and now the pain comes and goes.  I have tendinitis which gets aggravated from random work...anything from housework to gardening.  Oh yeah, and then there's the sun allergy which prevents me from enjoying the outdoors.  I worry about everything.  I worry that worrying about things draws things to me.  And now I have convinced myself I have reached the age to which "breast health" is a bigger issue.

I cried on Hubby's shoulder tonight.  I sobbed and even then I couldn't let everything go.  He reminded me that there are plenty of people in worse situations than me.  I know that's true.  

I think being sick this week just messed with my head.  I was lonely and sick.

*shrugs*

This is not how I wanted to remember turning 40.

Do you remember two years ago?  I celebrated my birthday in the Minor Emergency Clinic.  I had an allergic reaction to something unknown and was covered in hives.

Good times.

LOL

A memorable birthday from my childhood is my 10th birthday.  I was able to sign out a ukulele from our school music class for the weekend.  This was terribly exciting to me.  It was also one of the last times I remember both Grandma and Grandpa Dean being there for my birthday.  They gave me a 10 speed orange bicycle.....you know, the kind with the curvy handle bars.

Last Saturday, my In Law's hosted a family barbecue.  We had hamburgers, coleslaw, cucumber salad, tomato salad and baked beans.  We sat in the yard in lawn chairs while different people ribbed me about turning forty.  When the weather cooled off we went inside.  There was a chocolate layer cake and a chorus of Happy Birthday.  I told them I was glad they didn't put candles on the cake because it would burn the house down!  Everyone laughed.  I received a gift of a fuzzy white blanket and a new set of drinking glasses which we desperately needed but had already bought for ourselves.  It was fun.  I felt appreciated by people who don't usually show those types of emotions.

Hubby tells me that my present might arrive late.  All I know is that it's arriving from Amazon.  We have reservations at an Italian restaurant for Saturday 5pm.  Il Salici boasts authentic Italian cuisine.  

I have it on good authority that they have cannoli!!!  Birthday Cannoli.  Happy Birthday to me!

You Should Do This More Often.....

.....he said.

I picked my jaw up off the floor.

"You seem so happy after your pedicure and if it makes you feel so good and be so happy then you should treat yourself more often."

Holy Mother of Meatloaf.

Who is this guy and what has he done with my husband?  Never mind!  I'll keep this guy!

But he's right.  It was freaking amazing.  The spa is called OHara's and is clear on the other side of the city in where most of the seniors tend to live.  As a result my Pedicurist said that a lot of her clientele was aged.

She put on soothing oceany music.  I told her it needed seagulls because there are seagulls at the ocean.  She said seagulls are annoying when you're trying to relax.  I suppose so.

I soaked.  I had a sugar scrub.  I got pumiced and massaged and then the most epic part of the whole experience happened.....the paraffin wax.

*drools*

I have never felt anything quite so heavenly.

Well.....almost.

Then she painted my piggies with a colour of my choosing.....OPI Extra Va-Vaganza which was part of the Burlesque collection.  My feets are super sparkly!
 
*sigh*

I really really liked the Pedicurist.  We really hit it off.  By the end I had her convinced she needed to go shopping at Pennington's for a dress, cute lingerie and shoes!  I said, "Hey, aren't you the one that's supposed to up sell me?"

It was awesome.  I'm planning on going back in August for a manicure.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Brandy~puppy the Super Dog gets to go to the spa tomorrow.  She is in desperate need of a new hair do.

I've been slightly worried lately and honestly, since her near death experience last November and subsequent surgery.....I tend to worry too much.  Anyhow, she's been a little off this week.   Hubby says I shouldn't worry and there's nothing we can do.  He's partly right.  It just breaks my heart that my little baby pup is on bonus time.

She's not sick.  That's true.  She's just been picky about her food this week.  And her potty breaks have been a little "loose."  But she's obviously not in pain.  I worry that I wouldn't be able to tell if she was in pain.  But her tail still goes and I guess that's a good sign.  I suspect that she just ate something that didn't agree with her and with a spunky doggie you never know what that might be.  We were at the farm last weekend after all and she wasn't in my sights at all times.

I did see her chase a large frog under a spruce tree.

Anyhow, last night Brandy got very excited when I opened the door to retrieve the mail.  We don't often use the front door.  She isn't tall enough to exactly see out the door and that's when Hubby got the bright idea to take the cushions off the couch and stack them to make the doggie more comfortable.

Why didn't we think of this before?

This is what it's come to! 

Note:  This was a blog post from July 27th.  We later took Brandy to the vet and found out she had an intestinal virus and our vet said she should have been sicker than she was.  She was on meds for a week and is almost good as new.  Although some test results told us we may be looking at kidney disease down the road. 

Hope in a Jar

Have you ever heard of the face moisturizer made by Philosophy called Hope in a Jar? Well it is the name of a great cream.....I know because I use it. It made my skin feel good and soft and didn't make it all slimed up like some of them do. So when I saw a book called Hope in a Jar written by Beth Harbison I knew I had to read it. Of course, I thought that I would write a review of the book and in a way this is a review but the subject matter has changed from the story to how the it taught me a lesson just at the correct time in my life.

Allie joins Weight Watchers to take off the 20 pounds she's put on while being in an unsatisfying relationship. The torture she goes through while trying to avoid the scale is real – I know, I've felt the exact same emotions when weighing every Monday. But nothing is like the very first time, when you've sucked up everything you've got and removed every spec of clothing down to the earing's [because they too weigh something].....and you get on and you face the truth. I always squint. Somehow, if you narrow your eyes or glare at that bathroom demon.....it just might not be so bad.

Back.....several years ago, I had a flimsy scale with a dial. I could fudge my weight back then. If I hung my toes over the edge I weighed just a tiny bit less. It really didn't matter so much back then.....I did weigh less. Now, I have a digital scale. It is impossible to fudge the numbers. It is exact. It tells you right down to the ounces. It can even tell you your body fat if you want it do. Why would you want it to? As if finding out what you weigh isn't already bad enough. If it doesn't tell me what I want to hear.....I threaten it. I tell it I'm going to toss it out into the snow and drive over it with my Honda.

It's a love/hate relationship. I am thankful when it tells me I weigh less. So happy that I do the 'weight loss happy bathroom boogie'. But beware, if you find some broken bits of glass and metal in a snow bank in the road.....you'll know why.

The summer between grades 11 and 12 I worked at McDonald's. I ate there during breaks. I packed on weight at lightening speed. That autumn, I took up stationary bike riding and calorie counting. The extra 40 pounds came off quickly and easily. After I got married I again began to have a weight issue. I adopted the fashionable fat-free diet plan and re-bonded with my bike. I lost weight again quickly and easily.

After that, weight started to creep back on. Why? I was so tired of the battle. I was exhausted from having to work out all the time. I was sick of worrying about every spec of whatever I put in my mouth. I was angry at not being able to enjoy life. So I checked out.

One day in 2008 my sister-in-law talked to me about trying her program. You may know this part of the story and how I was to able to release 100 pounds. But what you may not know is that many of those old feelings resurfaced. Why is this last bit so hard to lose? Why do I have to watch so closely what I eat? Why do I have to try so hard? Why can't I just have that donut when I want one?

Because I can't.

I just CAN'T.

This is where the book becomes so important. 

 

Allie says, “I have to work that hard and that's all there is to it.” 

 

This is just the way it is. It comes down to this. If I want to live a long, happy, healthy, active life.....this is how I have to do it. I can't wonder about the other stuff. I can't dwell on what I can't have. There isn't any Hope in a Jar for weight loss. The hope comes from inside me. I am the jar.

Easy Like Friday Morning

Some days are as easy as breathing.  Other days are like breathing clay.  Yesterday was a clay day.  This morning I woke up around 9am to take my thyroid pill and then hit snooze on the alarm.  I know this sounds incredibly late to a lot of you but my lifestyle is anything but normal.  My late work nights and sleeping habits dictate a rather lazy morning ritual.

The next time my alarm sounded John Gormley the local radio guy was talking about the New Saskatchewan versus the Old.  I rolled my eyes and turned over.  Its a no win discussion.

Usually at this point I sit up and see Brandy and say in a high pitched voice... "its a puppeeeeee!"  And this is the time that Brandy looks over at me and stretches and has the expression...just 10 more minutes mom.  But i grab her and scratch her tummy and give her hugs and kisses before proclaiming us lazy bones and jumping out of bed.

In the kitchen I reheat morning coffee and oatmeal while Brandy watches from the hallway.  Even though her bowl is full of Purina chicken and rice she is eager to have oatmeal too.  We have breakfast and watch Regis.....strike that.....Live with Kelly.

Every morning is that easy for me.  I'm pretty lucky.

This afternoon I had to pay the lab vampires a visit.  I only have enough synthroid for 2 weeks.  I counted.  I could have sworn I'd make it to Christmas, but oh well!  Nothing I can do about it!  So I stopped at the lab about 1:30.  The techs were so nice and not busy at all and actually eager to chat.  Maybe it was a slow day?  At any rate.....I was in and out in a jiffy.

So today instead of going down to the Starbucks in the Safeway down the hall I decided instead to treat myself to a trek across town to Pier One.

Now I don't know what was going on today.....well actually I kind of do.....  School was out for the day due to a teacher in-service AND many stores were having early Boxing Day sales to compete with Black Friday across the border.

The parking lot at Preston Crossing where Pier One is located was a zoo. 

Pier One was so magical.  I walked inside and stood in Christmas awe.  I indulged in several Christmas Tree ornaments.  I particularly love the old world type.  The ones with the reflector glass or indentations.  There were so many pretty things and once I made it to the cashier my bank account [Hubby's really] was $60 lighter.  One of the items I bought is a salt and pepper set that looks like coffee and donuts.  Now, I ask you....me of all people....how could I resist THAT?

Back out into traffic I was.  I made it to work in one piece.  I used the coffee machine for a mochacinno.  It did not taste like Starbucks.

My working day was as it usually is and I got to leave early due to a cancellation.  When I got home Hubby had ordered pizza for supper!  It arrived about 5 minutes later.  We chatted and ate and had a nice evening.

Most of my days are like this.  I don't have a lot of stress in my life.  I know I'm fortunate and I'm also thankful for everything I have in my life.

I guess its about time I rip off that band-aid from this afternoon!

It's Not the Number that Matters.....

.....it's not the number that matters.
 

How many times did I tell customers that back in my retail days? Multitudes of times a day. Does it make you feel any better?

Only if you close your eyes.

I went to Addition-Elle today. Its a division of Pennington's and Reitman's. I worked there for one month during that other time period in my life.....the one in which retail stole my soul. They specialize in clothes for sizes 14 to 24. Its been a long time since I've ventured through that door.

Still.....the number doesn't matter. If the clothes fit and look good and make you feel good in them.....then who cares what number is on the label? Its not like you're going to go around with a giant 20 in neon flashing on your forehead. Its very difficult when you have every size in your closet starting at a 12. Extremely difficult to admit this is where you need to shop. Again.

I also remember how hard it was to realize that I didn't need to shop in those stores anymore. It was an incredible realization that I had when I could walk into any store and fit clothes. It was a hard concept to come to terms with as well. My body image was out of “whack”.

This week I am in search of clothes for work. All I want are some things that fit. Things that don't give me muffin top and things I can breath in. Like I told the girl in the store today.....NOT Standing Up Pants. You know the kind.....the pants that look totally awesome until you sit down and they cut off all circulation. Call me crazy, but I'm pretty sure my students would appreciate me not passing out all the time.

I did not find pants today. I did come home with a sweater set and a casual shirt along with some matching jewelry. I tried on items in sizes ranging from 1X to 3X. And you know what? That number didn't really matter after all. I found things that fit and fit my lifestyle and I did feel good. 

 

I have come to terms with where I am now. This is the body I am living in at this point in time. I cannot change the present.....only my future.

At work on Thursday I talked with coworkers about my thyroid condition. “Bob” says “You look the same to me.” And I laughed. “That's because I just saw you on Monday!” I replied. But really what it is.....is that I'm beginning to understand that my circle of friends love me whether there's a big ol' X on my shirt or not. They look beyond it and see me. And if they can do that.....then I can too.

What a Picture Tells

There are many things going on in this picture.  I had broken the 100 pounds lost on this day and made Hubby take my picture.  I was going to the movies - the matinee of Twilight which I had read two weeks prior.  My hair was growing out which I was thankful for.....they told me the hair loss was from the dramatic weight loss but I suspected it was a bad dye job that made it break off.  When I look at this picture now, I think this was the start of my hypothyroidism.

A month later I am in extreme pain in my left arm.  My left leg swells and I have tingling in my right hand.  I go to the minor emergency.  I am told I just hit my arm on something [ no bruising ] and to stop wasting their time and am pushed out the door.

I continue in pain - convinced I am dying.  I can't wait to be done with the school year so I can have peace.  I live on ibuprofen forcing myself through each day.  I finally find Dr. Mitra Sexena who listens to me, runs blood tests and finds nothing wrong with me and yet she is suspicious enough to send me to a neurologist.  Due to waiting lists I won't see Dr. Vol for many months.....close to a year.  I spend the summer fevered, in pain and at home where sleeping and air conditioning bring me the most comfort.  I start eating off my diet.  After all, if I'm dying, I'm going with a kit kat in my hand.

By the time I get to see the neurologist the majority of the pain has subsided.  He proclaims me normal [ in spite of my laughter ] and sends me for nerve tests which also come back normal.  The only diagnosis:  a severe case of tendonitis.  He recommends rest and looking into one armed piano players.

I decide I am not dying.  I decide to get back on my diet and I am shocked and dismayed when I have gained 20 pounds.  I diet and exercise and take off 15 pounds.  Its really hard and slow and by that fall I go off plan again.

Last Christmas, I had  a sudden weight gain.  I chalk it up to too much Christmas indulging.  Most of my size 12/14 clothes are too small and 16's are getting really tight.  I get back on my diet.  For two months I am strict.  I diet.  I exercise.  By May my weight has continued to increase.  I feel disgusted, fat, depressed and exhausted of the whole battle.

When I look at this picture I still feel the sense of accomplishment.  I also feel sadness.  How was I to know my body was going to work against me?  Being diagnosed with a couch potato thyroid finally gave me answers.  Everything I did to lose the 110 pounds is now out the window.  That diet was soy based and I've now learned soy is my arch enemy and will react with the prescribed synthroid medication.  I have to relearn what a real healthy diet and lifestyle is for the new me.  I am now 50 pounds heavier than in this picture.  I am not angry.  I am relieved to finally have an answer for everything that has happened to me in the last 3 years.  Part of me wishes to have that one day back.  Before.  Before I lived through the hell that I lived through.  But now I know....and that is what this picture tells.

Note:

Hypothyroidism signs and symptom may include:

• Fatigue
• Sluggishness
• Increased sensitivity to cold/heat
• Constipation
• Pale, dry skin
• A puffy face
• Hoarse voice
• An elevated blood cholesterol level
• Unexplained weight gain
• Muscle aches, tenderness and stiffness
• Pain, stiffness or swelling in your joints
• Muscle weakness
• Heavier than normal menstrual periods
• Brittle fingernails and hair
• Depression
  

Warning: Does Not React Well to Pressure

The pressure to keep the weight off has become insurmountable.  When you are overweight no one has any expectations of you.  No one cares what you eat or how you look because you are what you are.  But as soon as you lose weight.....and a huge amount of weight.....people start commenting for good or bad.  For a while, you ride the high of good and happy compliments until those dissolve.  Then people start to test your will power and nerve until you give in - then you backslide.  Suddenly the pressure you never felt before surrounds every thought and permeates your very being.  Every one looks when you eat, gives you the "up and down" glance and whittles away at your diminishing confidence until old habits come back to haunt you.

You want to keep the weight off.  You want to really show them.  But its gotten so hard.  Every decision is a struggle and you find yourself wishing no one knew or watched your transformation.  Back before no one had any expectations and you had none of yourself. 

~I had nothing to lose but the weight.~

Now you've become your own worst enemy and judge as you can only see yourself as others might see you.  You've lost your true self.  The self that loved and laughed and enjoyed life and didn't feel consumed by food.  The more you struggle to focus the farther away you stride.

How do you find it again?  How do you do it again?  How do you make certain you want it more than anything and work for it as hard if not harder than you did in the very beginning?

You just do.

You make the choice every morning, at every meal and when tempted with any and every morsel.  You make the choice to fight and fight and keep fighting and one day.....maybe one hopeful day you'll stab that food zombie in the heart leaving you free and full of possibility again.