Size Zero

Here is a link to an article about Dawn Porter. http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/magazine/6335077.stm

Dawn Porter is a pretty, stylish and average looking person. For reserch for this article she decided that over the course of 8 weeks she would do what ever she had to do to become a size 0. She never made it to the size 0 of her dreams because doctors begged her to stop. She lost 17 pounds and 50% of her body fat. She was also making her self ill. 

People told her that she looked terrific. Dawn had mixed signals in her brain. She knew what she was doing was dangerous and she felt horrible, but at the same time it seemed that she was more socially acceptable. The more she obsessed over these things the more depressed she was about herself. 

There was another lady on tv who was a size 0. She survived on breath mints....BREATH MINTS! Oh My God! She had a heart attack at age 29. Now she is a curvy girl in a size 18 and loving life. Now she is healthy.

Today on the radio, talk show hosts were talking about doctors now taking your waist measurements in an effort to make people lose weight. Now, I don't know about everyone else, but if my doctor pulls out a measuring tape, I'm gone. Out Of There! How demeaning is that going to be? Do they think we are stupid? Do they think that we don't know that it's unhealthy to be overweight? I don't think health professionals really understand what a struggle this is. 

I am not a size 0.....but oh, ya there is a 0 in my size! They said a healthy waist size for a female is 31 inches. Okay, so that's not me either. But if I had my wish I certainly wouldn't be built this way. 

I have been struggling all my life with my body image and size. When I was growing up there wasn't such a big deal about being a certain size. I just wanted to be thin. I wanted to have an easier time finding clothes that fit. The trouble was, and of course I didn't realize this until many years later, was that I was thin. I actually was all that time what I was striving for. Also, after working in retail I found out that most clothing manufacturers do not create clothes for womens bodies. And all this time making us feel badly about it.

In my efforts to curve my appetite I've lost sight of what real health is. I've done the SlimFast, the low fat, the bingeing, Atkins, Medifast and even just the Canada Food Guide. Now I just want to be healthy. I want to be active in my life. Yes, walking into a store and being able to purchase something not plus-sized is a dream. Most of all I want to be happy with my uniform - with what God gave me. I want to look in the mirror and like what I see no matter what. It's a work in progress.

My uniform right now is a little lumpy and sometimes it jiggles, but my husband loves me just the way I am. I'm trying to eat healthy foods. I don't drink [okey, maybe if it's been an especially bad day I will]. I don't smoke or do drugs [never have never will]. I'm trying to love myself. I'm trying to find a happy medium. I am not trying to be a zero. A zero is a big nothing and why would I ever want to be that? I am something and I love myself way too much to let anyone convince me otherwise.