Let It In

I had wanted to write a blog about our 30th anniversary and the Christmas that followed our wedding.  Truth be told I don't remember lot's about the Christmas at Fredlund's house and feel like I should because most people in Hubby's family recall that as THE Christmas.  Maybe it was because I was so new to the family and it was just all overwhelming.  I'm not sure but when I think about it I also think about all the family members who aren't with us anymore and that reminds me that even though I've been trying to share all kinds of heartfelt things on this blog, the holidays are not full of happy memories for everyone and some people are living with celebrating a first Christmas without their loved ones.  We are also that family.

It's been a year.  That's all I can say.  2020 was a cakewalk compared to 2022.  Stay at home and bake brownies all the time while working from home?  Sign me up because back then everyone was well in my family and safe.  2022 was a year where I didn't dare ask 'what next' and kept saying over and over God will not give us more than we can bare.  

It's been a test of Faith.  When the pandemic hit, we stopped attending church like most people.  We keep saying we need to go back but haven't.  We've watched like many do on YouTube.  I know attending church is important but I also think praying in the quiet stillness of home is what's helped me endure.  I'm reminded that no matter how messy our life is, God is there to help us pick up the pieces.  And man, 2022 has been messy.

I've had to lean on a lot of people.  Of course my family and friends were there for us but it was my coworkers who probably should get an award for the amount of venting they've endured!  At the same time, wow, what special people they are.  They listened without judgement and it really meant a lot.  The ice cream cake for my 50th birthday, which should have been a fun day, was amazing but happened during a time of grief and misunderstanding.  The Moderators on ABC Rider Fans just took over when things got really tough and they listened and listened and listened some more.  It's because of all of these people that when the holiday sparkle was slightly ignited back in November, I decided to let it all in.