No One Tells You

No one tells you the grief you that you will feel when your pet passes away.  People try to console you with hugs and thoughts and words like "it gets better with time."  It doesn't really help.  Everyone means well, but it doesn't change anything.  What could it possibly change?

It's been two months since Brandy~puppy the Super Dog went to Puppy Dog Heaven.  To say I miss her,
doesn't really tell you the story.  I know she was sick.  I know she was dying from the lymphoma.  I know she couldn't have lived much longer.  My heart still breaks thinking about it.  She was my best friend and making the decision to end her suffering is a decision I never want to make ever again.

The grief isn't about just crying and mourning her life.  It's small things.  It's not having to lock up the garbage.  It's no one to try to steal your blanket.  It's no one begging for the last bite of your sandwich.  It all becomes so routine that you don't realize it until you are about to toss the sandwich in the air that you realize she's not there to get it.  It's that moment that grabs you and clinches your heart.

With time it gets easier.  I don't think it's because you don't feel the grief.  I think it's because you just learn how to deal with the grief.  At first, people wanted to hug me.  A hug would bring on uncontrollable sobbing for a half hour so I refused hugs.  After a week, everyone assumed I'd be me again....be normal again.  But there is this big gaping hole that nothing else fills. 

When a person dies there are cards and flowers and people bring you food.  You know what happens when a beloved pet dies?  Nothing.  Sure people say things to you.  But nothing happens.  They make cards for these occasions....I know they do....I've seen them.  I didn't receive any.  I think that really hurts too.  Brandy was an amazing dog who never believed she was a dog.  Anyone who knew her would know that.  I certainly expected more from family and especially those who've lost pets before.  The family who did really care lived too far away to help us.  I don't know how a single person could go through this.

Gradually, Brandy's belongings have been cleaned and packed.  Some things got thrown out because they were wrecked or dirty.  I've filled her Groovy Dog dish with little red heart stones and put it on the shelf near where she used to eat.  Other belongings are waiting for me to assemble a shadow box when I have the time to do it.  We sold her kennel aka house a few weeks back.  It was sold to a woman who needed to train her dog.  Yesterday, I gave two dog dishes and a bandana to a student of mine who just adopted a cockapoo male puppy.

Even though we've been making these strides....she's still gone and we still miss her.  I mentioned to our contractor how our walls are covered with dog slobber.  He called that 'memories'.  We sure do have tons of those.  It's spring and the snow is just good for trying to scale the mountain of snow in the back yard or for traipsing through the mud and tracking it into the house.  Except there's no one to do it anymore.

And that's what no one tells you....is that your heart still breaks.

Art Girl ~ DIY Wall Art ~

Last summer I took an art class.  A drawing class to be specific.  I loved it.  I filled up my summer with inspiration and reminded me of a talent I have and forgot how to use.  Since the class was over I tried to do some projects on my own but without a deadline to meet and so many other responsibilites I didn't really get around to doing anything.  Work, right?  It keeps us all from what we really want to do.

So, two weeks ago I saw a woman on the Marilyn Dennis show.....it's a talk show here in Canada on CTV.  They had a show about home decor and the guest did an art project which could be customized to your own decor.  Tah-dah!  I thought.  There's the project I've been waiting for.  I will make a custom painting for my newly renovated bathroom ensuite. 

LINK ---->  DIYWallArt

I bought my supplies from a few different stores.  I bought canvas from Michael's.  It came in a two pack 16 X 20 and lucky  me....it was on sale for $6.  I bought a small roller, putty knife and craft paint from Dollarama.  The craft paint was $1 a bottle and larger than what you'd find at Michael's.  I also got an assortment of brushes.  The drywall putty was purchased for approx $6 from a paint store which I just happened to be at buying paint for the new bathroom.  I got the kind that goes on pink and dries white.

The first step was to apply the putty to the canvas.  It is not supposed to be smooth.  In fact, the messier and lumpier the better.  This is what gives the painting that funky texturized look.

Before it was dry

I took a yellow colour and did a base coat once it was dry.  Later on I decided I didn't like the colour of the edging and made it a brighter yellow, but I'll get to that.  I used a roller for the base coat.

The base colour turned out rather peachy even though I wanted yellow.

The next step was to put my paint colours on plastic plates for easy access.  Then all you do is dab the different colours all over the canvas making a kind of checker board kind of effect.  That in itself looks pretty cool and you could stop there if you really wanted to.

To get the super coolio dreamy impressionistic effect, you take a clean brush and dip it in a tiny bit of water.  Then you drag it through the paint from one side to the other.

HAZZAH!

The effect was amazing!  I would have never thought that would happen.

I let it dry over night and even though I really liked it, it was also lacking pazzazz and personality and the yellow colour I desired.  So I took a brighter yellow and rolled it on the edge to tidy up the drips and then I dabbed more on throughout the painting itself....wet the brush and dragged it through to distribute the colour. 

AND VOILA!

Art a la Sandra

The colours I used were Cargo [from the sample of paint from the bathroom wall colour], dark red, white, burnt amber, and mellow yellow.

The best part is.....I have another canvas to do another customized project!  I have an idea so stay tuned for the reveal of what that might be.  If it turns out, because, you know.....sometimes these things fail.  Although, I am told, some of the best mistakes also make the greatest art.